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My life feels like a test
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Alexa do the dishes
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Potty Mouth Stud Earrings
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Having a daughter is like
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I give just enough fucks to stay employed and out of jail
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I just farted. That's as close to giving a shit as you'll get.
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Roses are dead, love is fake, weddings are basically funerals with cake.
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Those moments when you hope that your kid's sass
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You did not wake up today to be a
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This wine tastes like everyone can make their own dinner.
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Once you understand why...
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It's all fun and games until a pube turns gray
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This cocktail tastes like I'm not going to work tomorrow
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I need more than coffee but less than cocaine - keychain
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I'm just a good girl with bad habits
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If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge?
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Unless he's wearing a diaper, you can't change him.
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I'm not saying I hate you, but I'd unplug your life support...
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Sarcastic quote, new beginnings gift, adult humor, sarcastic gifts, humor gift
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All men are liars, pick one that has a boat.
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I can go from ZERO to online detective
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Whiskey Wednesday, it's like taco Tuesday only for badasses
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Mom Tip: If you wait long enough to make dinner
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How much dip would a dipshit dip
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